It started as a hunch. I have been feeling nauseous during car rides even to nearby places. I decided to dig out the test kit I bought last month. Lo and behold! I was so excited when the word "pregnant" kept flashing in the tiny bubble screen. I couldn't believe my luck! I quickly showed the kit to hubby. He didn't exactly jumped up with joy but I could tell that he was very pleased too. :)
18 Oct
Visit to John Tee at KK. He was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was pregnant again as this visit was supposed to be a follow-up from the caesarian op I did last year. He did a pelvis scan but couldn't see anything. So he told me to return in two weeks' time. Though I couldn't recall my last menstrual date, he said I should be around 5-6wks pregnant now because that is when the HCG level would be high enough to be detected by the pregnancy test strip, which is extremely accurate given today's technology. According to him, my EDD (Estimated Delivery Date) should be 20 June 2007 and no later than that. I was quite apprehensive about that because I would be still on NPL which meant that I may not be entitled to my 3mths' paid maternity leave. Looks like I would have to return to work much earlier probably after the March hols. Hmm... :/
I then casually asked if it is fine if I continue to breastfeed. Though I already knew the answer, I just wanna to test if he is a pro-breastfeeding gynae. I was mildly disappointed because he said though it is safe to do so, he advised me to "taper down" because it would be more physically exerting on me. No problem I thought, breastfeeding Ying Ying takes precedence over my own physical well-being right now. I am just not ready to succumb to formula yet, which in my opinion is the lowest grade of milk to give to babies no matter what brand they are!
19 Oct
Bought another test kit just to double-check. :)
20 Oct
Ying Ying's chinese name is Xinying. After much thinking, I decided to name the baby Xinling if it's a girl. There is a nice tune to it. I would love to have another girl. Sisters are afterall, closer compared to a brother-sister sibling relationship. But we had problems coming up with a boy's name. Hubby suggested Zhi(4) ying(3). I flatly refused because that is obviously the name of the Taiwanese (or Hongkonger??) idol-singer Lin Zhiying which I do not particularly admire (nor detest). Decided to postpone brainstorming naming session till we get to know the sex in the 20th wk. Meanwhile, I would just pray hard for a girl. Hee. :)
21 Oct
Told my in-laws the gd news. It was a very apt occasion because we were out as a family (for the first time believe it or not) to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. I thought that was the best news she would like to hear. Like many others, my mother-in-law was concerned that I was still breastfeeding and suggested me to wean Ying Ying off and give her formula instead. Though hubby and I tried to assure her that the doc had said it is safe to continue breastfeeding, she still looked unconvinced. Luckily, she was not the naggy type and let the matter rest.
22 Oct
Told my parents the gd news. My mother offered to buy bird's nest. My favourite. :) My father was pleased but didn't show it.
23 Oct
Still encountered light staining which had occurred even before my visit to John Tee. Read up my pregnancy bible "What to expect when you are expecting" - it states that "If bleeding in early pregnancy can be scary, but, fortunately doesn't usually signal a problem." Since there was no cramps or pain, I decided to brush it off as normal implantation or hormonal changes. I was very optimistic because I had spotting for more than a week when I was carrying Ying Ying during the second mth. I recalled what my ex-principal had told me in mandarin, "If it is yours, it will be yours. If it is not meant to be yours, there is nothing much you can do about it."
24 Oct - Hari Raya Puasa Holiday
Became concerned because the spotting had not only increased in volume but colour also changed from light brown to maroon. Was especially worried when my sensitive nose actually picked up blood scent from down there during shower. Had to switch from using pantyliners to pads. Told hubby about it and he frowned. But all the clinics were closed due to public holiday so we had no choice but to wait till the following day. Took Ying Ying to the zoo instead. When we came back in the evening, I was alarmed to notice the colour had changed to bright red like usual menses discharge. But still there was no pain.
25 Oct
0300h - Discomfort in pelvis area. Hubby heard me moaning and was very worried.
0500h - Discomfort worsened. It was like menstrual cramps. Woke hubby up. Decided to go to KK A&E immediately. Took a sleepy Ying Ying along. Remembered to pack some pads in case bleeding continued. Prayed that everything would be fine. Maybe I just need complete rest in bed just like my colleague L did. Not knowing if it was going to be a long day, I downed a bottle of warmed chicken essence before leaving the house. (Turned out it would be the last thing I consumed till 12h later.)
0600h - Reached KK. Did usual registration at the 24h clinic. Waited a while for my hospital records to come in. Nurses on shift seemed quite free - saw one reading ST at the counter. Heavy discharge now. Bright red. :(
0645h - The doc on duty was a soft-spoken gentleman in his early 30s. He did a visual check down there and used a gadget to pull out a big bloody mucous lump though I didn't feel anything. Geez. The assisting nurse held up a small specimen container to store it. The doc followed up with a inner scan using a stick-like instrument (which was covered with condom and loads of lubrication). When I saw him measuring something on the screen, I didn't know whether to feel relieved or not. Unless the foetus was still there, he wouldn't be measuring right??? If so I thought. Keeping my fingers crossed, I asked him what was causing the bleeding. My hopes were dashed when he mumbled looking away, "Looks like it's a case of miscarriage". He said I had passed out "some parts of it" but there were some still remains left in my womb and I needed to go for an evacuation of the womb aka "washing" to clean out everything. Well, I didn't mind the "washing" but I was totally terrified of having to undergo general anesthesia (GA). I even asked if I could just let the discharge pass out naturally from my body to which he said it would prolong my agony - more blood discharge and more pain. Not only that, I might risk serious infection. And if I still insisted on doing so, I had to sign a disclaimer form to indicate that KK was not responsible for my plight. Sigh. Unwilling to put my womb to risk, I opted for the safer path.
0715h - A hospital administrator started processing my checking-in stay. Asked if what class I prefer. As if it was KK Hotel. I examined at the brochure given to me and was shocked when I realised the A1 ward I had stayed when I delivered Ying Ying cost more than $300/night! And I had stayed for 3N which meant my stay came up to more than 1k! (Who says KK is cheap??) But still, I wouldn't trade in anything for all the privacy I got then. Anyway, since this is gonna be a simple procedure (the doc had said I should be able to be discharged by today if there is no complication), I opted for a B2 (6-bedded, non-A/C) which is only about $56/night. Ying Ying started to fuss. Went off to change her nappy and nursed her to sleep.
0800h - The administrator thought I went MIA. Even sent someone to look for me. Though I was able to walk, I was asked to sit on the wheelchair which was pushed by a hospital attendant around my mother's age (yeah I felt funny too). A nurse placed all my hospital documents and a plastic ziplock labelled biohazard on my lap. In the ziplock was that small specimen container of my bloody mucous. I thought maybe all this was a bad dream. One moment it was in me, the next moment it was out of me. On my lap. Knowing that I might never get to see it again, I held up the container and scrutinise the contents. The attendant quickly tapped on my shoulder and gently advised me not to see it. Why not? It's mine afterall. But I put the container back on my lap lest she thinks I am some psycho. Turned out my bed was next to the window with a view. Not so bad I thought. The bed next to me was empty. Good - at least I have a teeny bit of privacy still. As I settled in, hubby hurried off to get breakfast fr Mac's while Ying Ying slept in her stroller. Meanwhile I had to fast (no water even) for at least 6h before I could undergo "washing". Well, I wasn't in the mood to eat anyway. A young trainee nurse A from NYP came by to interview me. From her accent, she was probably a China national. I even had to spell miscarriage for her. She was quite sheepish about it, and turned out today was her first day of her week-long attachment.
0930h - Ying Ying woke up, startled by the unfamiliar surroundings. Took her to pee and nursed her on the bed. No choice - nurse A firmly said I couldn't go anywhere. Was disappointed - thought I could walk around at the KK mall to pass time.
1000h - A pretty young doc came by to take my blood. She then inserted a tube on my right hand and put me on drip. Ouch. As much as I aspire to, nursing would never be my cup of tea. Hubby took Ying Ying back home to rest and shower. Told him to give Ying Ying soft-boiled egg and bottled food for lunch. I have been the only one who feed Ying Ying since she was 8mths old. It is not easy trying to get food in Ying Ying's mouth sometimes, or rather most of the time. I tried not to think how he was going to do it. Decided to get some rest.
1200h - Was woken up by nurse B who changed my bag of drip. Decided to call J, an ex-colleague of mine. She was the only one I knew who went through "washing" for a miscarriage. I wanted to know how it was really like. I felt a tear trickled down my cheek when she asked in concern what happened. Sometimes things aren't painful until you really talk about it. So far I was just going with the motion. J was very emphathetic - though J is 2 yrs younger than me and got married 1wk after me, she had miscarriaged not once but twice. I felt so bad for her - once is already traumatic enough for me! I couldn't imagine going through this all over again. Surely J must be a woman of strength. I was consoled that I had her to turn to in times like this.
1300h - Hubby returned with Ying Ying dressed in a short denim dress (of all clothes?) with no diaper cover. Men. Why was I not surprised when he said Ying Ying had only taken the soft-boiled egg and refused to eat anymore? Told me the poor girl cried (or rather screamed) to sleep all the way back to KK. He dared not wake her up and stayed in the car at the KK carpark for over half an hour before he gingerly transferred our sleepy friend to the stroller. Anyway, Ying Ying woke up shortly and nursed eagerly. Nurse B came by to pass me my hospital garb and realised what I was doing behind the drawn curtains. They must be wondering to themselves what I was up to before that.
1330h - Nurse A helped me to change into the pink KK hospital blouse and a sarong as I was attached to the drip. Spotted a tear in sarong but who cares. Had to wear an old-fashioned tie-string pad. Reminded me of my postpartem days with Ying Ying. Then on the way back from the loo, I realised my IV drip tube attached to me was turning red at one end! Blood was flowing out of me!! Nurse C had sharp eyes - she noticed even before I could ask her about it. Told me to put my hand down so the blood would flow back. It actually worked! It was fascinating to see red tube slowly turned transparent and the tiny blood molecules moving back into me.
1430h - Was put on a wheelchair and pushed into the waiting room by Nurse D. She was very kind and assuring. Helped me to put forth my request to be discharged on the same day when she knew (probably from another nurse B) I was breastfeeding. Was asked to move from the wheelchair to a bed. My specs was removed and kept below my bed. Felt handicapped with my extremely poor vision. Anaesthetist A introduced herself. She looked and sounded fierce (or cold?) compared to the nurses.
1500h - Was wheeled into another waiting room just outside operating theatre. Asked my name and I/C no. (for the 4th time). A young surgeon came in to read my hospital records with her back facing me. All the time she didn't speak a word to me at all. So stuck-up! Not that I was expecting a long chat but it would be nice if she could offer a few words of assurance to a frightened patient like me.
1515h - Was finally wheeled into the operating theatre. Had to shift my body over to the theatre bed which was stiff and cold. A hard rubber ring was used to support my head. Through my very blurred vision, I thought I saw that stuck-up surgeon sitting a few metres away from me busy sms-ing (!) while the others were busy getting ready all the apparatus and equipment.
1530h - They tried to gas me by putting a mask on the lower part of my face. I felt like I was in a gas chamber during the Holocaust. I was scared. My eyes were wide with fear. I kept staring at anaesthetist A hoping to get some sympathy but she told me coolly, "It's just oxygen. You will fall asleep very soon." Anaesthetist B came and injected something into my IV drip outlet. Then after waiting for like one minute, anaesthetist A tightened her grip on the mask and said determinedly, "Very soon." Suddenly, the so-called oxygen gas turned smelly (or sourish?). I couldn't breathe.
1620h - "Wake up. Operation over already." Those were the first words I heard before opening my eyes. (Come to think of it, how did they know I was about to wake up??) Thought I dreamt I was shopping. Ahh... so going through GA is like taking a nap without knowing how you did so. I couldn't even remember if I had closed my eyes! I laid on the bed trying to get a sense of my surroundings. I was not the only one in the recovery room. There were two other patients as well but they were still unconscious. Nurse E was sitting beside me doing some recording. Then Nurse F came by and they discussed about their leave application and other personal matters. In front of a patient?! Maybe they thought I was still in slumberland. After lying for like 20mins, I got impatient and started shifting my legs. Nurse G came by to push me back to my ward. I asked for my specs. It was then I noticed most of the surgical staff wore purple crocs. Probably to match with their light blue attire. Must have been sponsored by the hospital otherwise they would have chose different colours to wear right?
1700h - Back to my ward. I was so hungry. Agreed readily when Nurse C asked if I wanted rice for dinner.
1715h - There was nothing much to do in the ward except to look at one another. I was bored stiff.
1740h - A caterer wearing a cap was finally making her delivery rounds. But she stopped by my bed and asked puzzledly, "Did you order?" To which, the trainee Nurse B (who was measuring my pulse) replied nonchalantly, "You better check with the staff nurse." So the caterer just left like that.
1800h - Where's my dinner?!??! Everybody was tucking in already!! From 6am till now, I had no food and water. My stomach was growling. I was totally famished. I couldn't wait anymore. I decided to take matters into my own hands and press the call bell. On the third attempt, Nurse C came storming in the ward, demanding to know who had pressed the bell. Everybody (incl visitors) froze. When she realised it was me, she stormed over and asked how come I did not alert the trainee nurse who was just a few metres away. I tried to explain that I already did so but she did not do anything about it. Turned out Nurse C had already ordered my dinner and it would be coming only during the second round (to which I wondered why - did she forget?). Trainee Nurse B then came over and apologised saying, "I'm so sorry, it's not that I don't want to give you dinner but ... (lame excuse) " Whatever. I think she doesn't know the meaning of the word hunger.
1815h - My dinner was finally here. The caterer wearing a cap was obviously unhappy having to make a special delivery. She just left the tray on my table without saying a single word or giving a smile. She didn't even bother to help push the table closer towards me. Is this how B2 patients are usually treated? I didn't recall getting such poor service when I was staying in A1. Gosh I missed the food when I was there. As I started eating, I realised she didn't give me soup! I saw everybody slurping something! Though upset, I ate up every single grain of rice. Though dinner consisted of just plain rice, cabbage, chicken and honeydew for dessert, it was one of the most satisfying meal I ever eaten. It is funny how food taste so much better when you are hungry.
1900h - That caterer wearing a cap came by to collect trays. She was surprised that I had something to say to her. I told her she forgot my soup. Momentarily, she didn't comprehend me. What soup?? Then she lifted up the dish cover and gave me a sheepish oops smile. But I quickly told her it was ok, I was full already (which was true - I even let out a soft burp earlier on). Just then, hubby turned up with Ying Ying. I scolded him for not coming earlier. Otherwise I wouldn't have to go hungry for so long! He claimed that some nurse had told him I would not be back till 7pm. Ridiculous! Anyway, Ying Ying was hungry again. I nursed her for the 3rd time on the hospital bed. (I could only pray the immunity of my breastmilk would protect her from all the bacteria she was exposed to.) I then tried to feed her porridge prepared by my in-law's maid but she was uncooperative.
2000h - Ying Ying started to fuss. Nurse H was shocked to see me carrying Ying Ying around. She immediately told me to return to my bed and claimed that just a few days ago a patient had left the bed thinking she was fine only to faint later. Asked if I could be discharged but they said I have to be placed under observation for at least 6hrs because I had undergone through GA.
2030h - Told my mother what happened over the phone. She didn't understand. She wasn't listening to what I was trying to say when I said the baby was no more. She kept thinking I had gone for an abortion. Ridiculous. Sometimes talking to her can be so exasperating.
2100h - Ying Ying became more cranky and started screaming. Very embarrassing especially when visiting hrs are over. I had no choice but to leave the bed and go elsewhere to console her. Nurse H quickly offered to get a doc to review my condition so that I could be discharged earlier. Thought she couldn't wait to get rid of us.
2130h - Was finally discharged with some antibiotics and painkillers. The three of us headed for home eagerly. What a long day indeed.
2 comments:
hey.. sorry to hear abt what you went thru.. hope your body has recovered already! Catch up soon over the weekend ya? Take care!
Hey thanks - I m much better now. :)
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